Move over, meditation. Take a hike, stress balls. Go on git, hot tea and honey. The world of relaxation just got revolutionized.
Martin Shkreli, the widely reviled pharma-douche who gained infamy last year for obscene price hikes of life-saving medication – among other shitbaggery – is auctioning off the opportunity to slap or punch him in the face.
Though Shkreli claims this is part of a fundraising effort – he says its to benefit the family of a friend of his who died – the auction is more likely just another publicity stunt for the attention starved troll. As much as he may want the auction to appear like a self-deprecating gesture of goodwill, it’s hard to imagine why a man worth tens of millions of dollars would need an auction to raise a few tens of thousands for a friend’s family. That is, if everybody agrees its shitty for Zach Braff to use Kickstarter for his movie, then Shkreli can fuck right off if he thinks this is even the tiniest step towards redemption. For this reason, we won’t be embedding his tweets or showing his face.
Said face is incredibly punchable, however, so you’re welcome to go find out how to place a bid on your own. We can’t imagine a better on which to take out your pent up rage. It also seems like a great opportunity to pool together a fund to bid in someone’s name. Imagine if we worked to together to make sure Mike Tyson won the auction! The entire thing seems predicated upon Shkreli’s assumption that he can shrug off any punch to face. From our end, this seems like a great way for him to end up hospitalized.
So if you’re experiencing high blood pressure from uncertainty about the direction our world is moving; fear that an ascendant oligarchy will bring man’s centuries of progress to a crumbling end; or even just frustration with the crushing, indifferent cruelty of capitalism; then punching Martin Shkreli in the face might be right for you. Ask your doctor today.